Boyfriends don't like me.
At first it was something that just popped up every once in a while. By now I've accepted it as a solid fact. Female friends of mine will ultimately find themselves dating some guy who thinks that they're cheating on them with me. This latest episode had the added absurdity that it took place in Chicago, where I haven't been in going on two years. And it affected a silence between myself and one of my favorite people in the world. She didn't want him to be looking over her shoulder. I'm relieved to say that the silence has broken and a pink slip has been issued
He was annoyed when he found out that she was reading something I referred her to and that she found it hilarious
He deleted my fucking number from her phone
He tried to set me up with a girl he'd fucked a while back so that I wouldn't try and steal his girl. He said that he was just giving me the screen name of someone he thought I'd get along with based on what my friend had told him about me. I later found out that she never knew he was introducing me to anyone and all she'd said about me was that I was into theater and she wasn't trying to figure out a way to fuck me in secret. I haven't told the girl I was introduced to yet. I'm wondering if I even should.
I understand full well that I'm not the one worst hurt here. I can only imagine what my friends feel when they get put through this sort of thing. Given that it can grip me with a formidable rage for extended periods of time I can't say I would recommend the experience. Let there be no confusion; the vast majority of my desire to rearrange this guy comes from the fact that he treated one of my best friends like shit. The offenses that involve me specifically are but a fraction of the rage. But even that much is unhealthy to have pointed your way.
I may have reached a conclusion about all of this. The number of guys who have felt threatened by me easily exceeds the number of girls who I have known to be attracted to me. I'm wondering if the reason they think I'm so likely to steal their girlfriends away is because they in fact harbor a secret attraction to me. Maybe it just so happens that girls I know have the same taste in friends as the guys they tend to date do in secret crushes. Stranger things have been proven true.
This is not vanity on my part-- It means that I attract far more people I don't want to attract than I do and that sucks-- though I suppose I couldn't fault one for interpreting it as such.
So basically if it looks like the post below was written in a pissy mood you know about half of the reason. I'm not even sure if I'm going to say anything about the rest of it. Something in the works whose impetus was in fact both reasons may surface however. I'll let you know
Also, the people who see the people they know not as friends but as assets with potential value to be tapped when needed should only be allowed to associate with each other. This is the humane version of my assessment.
i've been the cause of jealousy and i've been jealous myself. i've learned that, as cheesy as it sounds, as long as there is honest communication, and as long as there is a mutual respect, there is no need for the pathetic response he's had. if she has done (within reason) all she can to show that she's in a committed exclusive relationship with him and he's still this way, she needs to dump him. i stick to a rule that oddly enough i once read steven tyler from aerosmith uses to gauge what is appropriate behavior towards other women in regards to his wife. he simply thinks about whatever he is about to do or say and asks himself, if my wife were here, would she dig it?
ReplyDeletei had a boyfriend a long time ago that was so disgustingly posessive he once told me after i had hugged MY BROTHER...that my brother was lucky he was my brother. i once had another boyfriend who was such a fucking sleazeball he reassured me that he was faithful but had no problem with doing everything but have sex with my friends. he was an 'emotional' cheater if you catch my drift. he didn't set up boundaries with other women.
i hope your friend drops this guy. he sounds like a waste of her time. and yours.
Hmmm... no I didn't make that clear, did I. She did drop him. And that's why this comes on all of a sudden for me. I'm just hearing about this now.
ReplyDeleteBut this started from the moment he heard about me. In fact, he gave me the girl's screen name during the first conversation I ever had with him.
In one of the past instances the given s/o used me as an excuse to cheat on his girlfriend.
Whoops... submitted too soon
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what it would be like to have someone be jealous of a family member. Closest I've come is a girl I was on *ahem* delicate terms with telling me my mother was hot
so no, not the same thing at all.
As for the rule, I suppose "would he/she dig it" is a good way to tell if there's a problem.
I have nothing to say except.....
ReplyDeleteTalk about great opening lines.
We'll tawk.
Am I beibg punished with the longest
word verification in history or what?
From personal experience (boyfriends don't like me either), these guys are usually jealous of the fact that you have a more intimate, personal relationship with the girl in question. The fact that you may have known this girl for years and have put in the effort that every friendship requires over this time doesn't equate in their minds.
ReplyDeleteStill, you can't stop your friends from making their mistakes....
It all boils down to insecurity. I am lucky that in Loverboy I have found such a secure man that I couldd give another man the biggest and longest hug and he would not even flinch. He has never had any problems with any male friends I have or may have had... though they are now mostly all gay...
ReplyDeleteI, however, have dabbled in the world of green blahs though I would not call it jealousy, for the man has never given me reason to be jealous, and have opted always to call it by its real name... insecurity... and rather than lash out and forbid I simply communicate the feelings, though more often than not I am not proud of them, but it keeps things sane and fair this way...
That guy's an insecure ass and manipulative to boot... glad she dumped him.
Your last bit was very telling and I have had more than a few such people in my life... case in point the Angele bitch I once blogged about... and oh what a joy when they depart from one's life!
I am blabbing on and making no sense... I just wanted to pop in and say hola... *sigh*... verbosity is something bohemians are doomed to have I am afraid!
ficso- almost Frisco! I like your word verif DAS FO SHO!
fate hates you because you're beautiful, my friend. and that was a lame attempt at humor, and i hope it worked a tiny bit.
ReplyDeleteI'm lost without you. ;0
ReplyDeletePlease allow this fellow (former) Bostonian to suggest a couple of sure-fire ways of getting the dudes to stop the ann coulter.
ReplyDelete1) tell them you are gay. then ask them out.
2) tell them you are ann coulter's love child. with newt gingrich. that will so take their minds off their girlfriends that you'll be able to ann coulter the girl while they consider the implications of you actually being ann coulter's love child. Them considering her actually doing the Deed will leave them braindead for at least 30 minutes.
Just make sure you have a full drawer of the pill. Be a man-shore. All Boston will be proud.
xfwevik
Cooper: Sorry that my word verification is hassling you. I'll give it some stern words.
ReplyDeleteFlametree: If I had a more intimate personal relationship with her only he could be to blame given that I've known her for three years and haven't seen her in person in two.
Miz B: Any verbosity from you is more than welcome here my friend and I believe you're well aware of that.
They should all be kept on an island.
{illyria}: You need no disclamers I loved that line.
coop: I've missed you too
xfwevik: man, no.
Also, what does "ann coulter" mean as a transitive verb? I ask this out of curiousity.
I think a lot of people just like being jealous for as many reasons as there are jealous people
ReplyDeleteI've never understood it myself. I always thought that if a man wanted to be with me, he wanted to be with me, and good for him if he had platonic girlfriends because I have always had platonic male friends
But I'm totally weird, so...