Because my goddamned computer overheated before I posted it and I didn't have time to retype at the time, but Happy New Years. It's been an odd one, and I don't think I'm going to bother recapping I'd like to thank everyone who came by this year, as well as everyone whose offerings I've read. I hope you all had a better New Years than me, which wasn't exactly horrible, but you can do a hell of a lot better than eating Chinese food and talking to your two younger cousins (though they are delightful) about how it's completely lame that no one seems to be sticking around until midnight.
Oh and the secret's out. Dick Clark earned his reputation as America's Oldest Teenager because he's fucking embalmed. God knows who did his face, but I have no doubt his head, neck and shoulders were controlled by Frank Oz (not his best work). As for his voice, Stephen Hawking sounds more lively. And he wouldn't have lagged behind when the countdown got to ten. Talk about a decline I'm not saying that Dick Clark was ever entertaining-- I can be sure he hasn't been in my lifetime-- but he at least once had dignity. But this only proves that he'll never step down. He's the douchebag holdover from an era where rock music needed a non-threatening stiff spokesperson to make it marketable to the mainstream. And now he's always there because he's been there forever. He will be ringing in the new year in his generic, uninteresting style until the day he dies, and the only way the fuckwits who keep him there are going to learn is if he kicks it on the air ten seconds from midnight.
Then again, at least he's only on air once a year. John Madden probably has a lifetime ticket too and if he's announcing the game you're watching, you can't just change the channel. A Super Bowl without him is my first wish for the new year. Ok no so not my first. Not even my first wish involving the Super Bowl (Go Patriots!), but god am I sick of that man. He's to football analysis what Jimmy Fallon is to sketch comedy.
Man, first Barbra Walters, then those two. I wonder if this is becoming a thing.
Anyways, I got a call from my aunt-who-was-once-in-a-Pringles-commercial-and-thus-feels-the-
need-to-be-my-mentor-in-building-an-acting-career, who thought that the fact that he was still there was inspirational. She then gave me my monthly lecture about how I need to get my ass in gear. She actually mentioned Lindsay Lohan as someone my age who was succeeding. I try consciously to avoid the celebrity gossip shit and I still know all about her drunken Blackberry Manifestos. Somehow it didn't faze my aunt when I told her that if I was as lobotomized and artistically castrated as Lohan I would gargle the clip of a Glock 9. Shit. I'd do it if I suddenly became as bad a writer as her
Anyways, a toast, however belated, to all of you. And the fantastic possibilities that 2007 brings with it. Let's make the most of them.