I've been sick, I swear

and that's why it's been six days since my last post. Not that it's out of keeping with my patterns of non-bloggingness, but that's the reason this time. Of course when you're home with your sick younger brother for three days that tends to happen. I thought I'd kicked it on Saturday. Went to see The Passion of the Scrooge in Boston. A ridiculous one-man opera-ish version of A Christmas Carol. Completely over the top and I'm not sure if the hilarity was intentional or not but damn do opera dudes overact.

It was followed by the "Not So Traditional Christmas Medley" by a string quintet. Easily the best performance of "Christmas music" I've ever been privy to. A maurading, creepy version of "Frosty the Snowman." A "Let it Snow" tango. A Soviet-esque "Jingle Bells." A cowboy "Away in a Manger."

I was with my friend Kat, who insists on eschewing any hint of femininity. Naturally I torment her about this at every turn, and when I happened upon a coupon for a free pair of panties from Victoria's Secret a week ago, a store that happened to be across the street from the church where the show went up. I managed to get her in the store and she was, well, horrified. She selected a pair, holding it as if holding a dead rat by the tail as she approached the counter. Exiting the store, she insisted that I hold the bag.

"You know, if anyone sees it they'll just assume I bought it for you"
"No, they'll think you get off on wearing women's underwear"
"Even if they do they'll just think that I'm wearing it because you think it's hot"

Sensing that she intended to get me to keep the panties even after we parted ways for the evening, I got to scheming. As we passed a trash barrel, I pocketed the panties and ditched the bag behind my back. Then, while at the Papyrus in the Prudential Center mall, I slipped them in her pocket. This went undiscovered until half an hour later, walking down Newbury Street. Since then, two more had joined our group. She made repeated attempts to stick them to the others, which I deftly thwarted. At some point she threw them at me and ran. I caught them, slipped them back into my pockets, and didn't raise the issue again until we were at J.P. Licks and she was leaning up against the rail, her coat hanging off her in a way that provided slack. Once again, the panties were slipped into her pocket without notice. Halfway to the train station she gave up and wore them on her face the rest of the way.

Victorious, I hopped the Orange line and met my buddy Matt to accompany him on his all-night campout in front of the Best Buy to secure one of the 24 Nintendo Wiis that were to be delivered. Long story short, we got there in time, and I would have been able to get one too had I the cash. Though I also could have gotten the ticket and sold it afterwards, but Matt insisted on cockblocking there. "You'd be scamming some kid out of his Christmas Present." he said. "I'm your ride home, you're not doing it." And then later, "I'm proud of you; you did the right thing." After I found out that I could have made a cool 500 bucks.


And to top it off, my cold made a reemergence, and as of this writing I have about half a voice and what was once a headache that somehow migrated to my neck. The Wii is a seriously cool piece of electronics though. And I know that not many people here play games. But there's something extremely satisfying about this one. My favorite part is when your opponent shouts "bullshit" when you put a 94 mph fastball past him and he can't even bring it up past 70. And then you patiently explain that you're just so much better. And then you dance

Anyways, I'ma go suck down on some lozenges and watch some House on dvd. Oh shit that reminds me I need to download Boston Legal. Fucking Barbra Walters last week made me forget it tonight.

Fuck. no one's uploaded the torrent yet. Ok, sticking to the original plan

Wombat out


  1. Oh wombat, hope you feel better.
    You should have kept the ticket, I find it unappealing that kids get every little sad sack piece of crap item out there.

    Where did you get a free ticket for a pair of undies from Victoria Secrets?
    For some reason lingerie stores never bothered me although VS only has two kinds of underwear I can wear.

    Feel better though, Santa is coming.

  2. damn, so that's why you've been so quiet lately. but i've been sick, too, so i'm keeping my end of the bargain as well.

    get well soon, honeybunny! (couldn't think of any other endearing term. i'm way ahead on easter though.)

  3. Hope that you're feeling better.

    You oculd have made $500. Hell, any parent that's willing to give that kind of money, deserves to spend it

    I thought that way about people who bought oil leases in states where there's no oil, and people who put all their money into neclear power plants and then cried when they lost it---I do have an incredibly nasty side

    Maybe that's why I love BL so much--can truly relate to Alan Shore

    Your writing just gets better and better--sick or not sick

  4. Oh man does it suck to be sick and if anyone has a HUGE phobia of the sniffles 'tis me for not to breathe means not to yoga! Although that does not mean I would not try! So rest up amigo mio and come back to us!

    You coulda made $500! Dios mio! You should have! Grrrr indeed!

    As for BL, damn Barbara bitch Walters!!!! I keep forgetting I am owed an episode... will hunt the Loverboy down with questions about that FO SHO!

    As for girly things and underwear and thongs ('tis the way to go!) I am fine with it all... sometimes too comfortable with it all... it can throw the sales people off but bah, adds some fun into the mix for me! Bwahahahaaaaa! No Madonna whore complex here I tell you! Nope...

    Hoe you feel better my sweet amigo! Besos!!!

  5. I've been having an issue keeping up with my blog the last few months too... so don't feel bad. Tis the season ... but hope you feel better now

  6. You are still NOT BACK? Get to it and answer your comments and then update on perhaps Christmas or how shitty colds are or how shitty it is that BL is not on because of the holidays and how shitty this holiday lull is or perhaps you can fill us in on New Year's plans... any loves in life? Any happenings? Books? What'd you get for Christmas? What are you doign today? What coffee do you like? Is tea ok cause I never have coffee at home since we drink mostly tea and I would probably have tea and juice to serve were you to visit me in SF...

    Ok... if those aren's little ideas to get you back, then I just suck!

    Merry, merry, happy, happy amigo mio! Now COME BACK! ;-P

    Hey, you asked for it!

  7. PS- Maybe this'll inspire you... my grandma gave me a pack of ugly underwear that's 10 sizes too big! Ugly fat girl underwear! WOOH!

  8. Cooper: oh I freely admit that had I the funds to buy one I'd have been tempted. Those things are amazing.

    It found its way to my mailbox, and was going to be thrown out, but I figured I'd have a bit of a laugh with it.

    and what do you know, I feel worse after Santa's come and gone

    {illyria}: Here's a simple guide to coming up with endearing names

    Pia: Your nasty side is welcome with me. As it happens, I'm not feeling any better, but thanks just the same.

    Miz B: Somehow I get the idea that I'm not a thong person. Just a hunch =P

    --spared--: Thanks much.

    Miz B: The lull has been much intensified for me because of the sickness. Today was spent either unconscious or scrambling to find something, anything I've actually downed a fair share of chamomile today. I can never quite remember which teas I really like though because the only time there's much of a selection is when I'm visiting someone else.

    As it turns out, there's a friend of mine who all our mutual friends believe me to be dating, but that's not the truth.

    could that be a not-so-subtle attempt to play at your self-esteem?