Wombat +Caffeine=...

A conversation I had with Alice, who I hope is cool with this being posted here. I don't think she revealed anything incriminating or objectionable about hersef other than that she actually listened to this without sending the white vans out for me. Anyways, as I was typing my part in this conversation (and now, in fact), I was (and indeed am) under the influence of about a liter of very strong iced coffee. I was not aware of its strength at the time because someone else made it and had balanced it out with a considerable amount of sugar, methinks. Anyways, I am totally tweaking, and I am at this moment typing about as fast as I've ever typed. If I don't post for a while, it is probably because my head exploded. anyways, enjoy this caffiene-induced conversation.

:I suddenly feel like taking out 200 annonymous guards with my bare hands on the way down a 5-level subterranean lair to thwart an attempt at world domination
cranberijello: uh oh
cranberijello: calmdown
EsotericWombat: join me!
cranberijello: i imagine as tall as you are that could be scary
EsotericWombat: which part?
cranberijello: the whole rage thing you got going on
EsotericWombat: not so much rage as pure energy coursing through my veins
cranberijello: lol
EsotericWombat: Join me, and together we'll rule the galaxy as.... well.... I'll think of something to call us when we're ruling the galaxy and we'll rule it as that
EsotericWombat: you can do that when you
EsotericWombat: have conquered the galaxy
EsotericWombat: make up a word and have it mean whatever the fuck you want it to
EsotericWombat: and everyone recognizes it as such
cranberijello: lol, i do that anyway so yea
cranberijello: i'll join ya
EsotericWombat: because what the fuck are they going to say?
EsotericWombat: no, I'm not going to use your word, oh wise ruler who could lift a finger and have a thousand hired bullets pierce my skull?"
EsotericWombat: excellent. First order of business. Swap Tom Cruise's brain with George W.'s
cranberijello: lol
cranberijello: i think they are both slightly damaged
EsotericWombat: then everyone will recognize Cruise as a horrendous actor
EsotericWombat: and Bush as a religious nutjob
EsotericWombat: it's bulletproof!
cranberijello: lol
EsotericWombat: then, we pit Ann Coulter, Bill O' Rielly, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity against each other in a free-for-all fight to the death
EsotericWombat: and release bears into the stadium midway through the fight
cranberijello: yes, they can claw each others eyes out
EsotericWombat: one of whom has Paris Hilton riding on it
EsotericWombat: which is to say
EsotericWombat: she is nailed to it
EsotericWombat: with rusty nails
cranberijello: indeed
EsotericWombat: Spikes in fact, one pinning each breast to bear-flesh and likewise with her thighs
cranberijello: now you're getting carried away
cranberijello: lol
cranberijello: she says as she pretends to be horrified at the thought
EsotericWombat: and we have Carson Daly as one of those on-the-spot reporters that inevitably get hurt horrendously by the extreme situations they are sent to report on
cranberijello: lol
cranberijello: i hope so i think he is an ass though
EsotericWombat: the entire thing is televised as the entire world watches
EsotericWombat: which serves as the perfect distraction for phase 2
cranberijello: which is?
EsotericWombat: I'm working on it
EsotericWombat: if you have any ideas, critiques, pleas for me to cease my ramblings, now would be the time to share them
cranberijello: i am in a listening mode
EsotericWombat: ok
cranberijello: you are entertaining me
EsotericWombat: while the entire world stands in awe... we take the central hub of the internet by force
cranberijello: where is the central hub?
cranberijello: just out of curiousity
cranberijello: :-D
EsotericWombat: there will be time
EsotericWombat: to figure that part out
EsotericWombat: at the moment I forget the IP address
cranberijello: it probably vaires anyway
cranberijello: lol
EsotericWombat: I am drawing a blank
cranberijello: that's alright it's late
EsotericWombat: in any case. I know a few programmers who would take on the task of molding the internet to our whim based on the knowledge that they'd be winning the favor of one of your keen intellect and beauty
EsotericWombat: Nerds are easily manipulated once you understand the mindset
EsotericWombat: and detatch yourself from it however briefly
cranberijello: good to know
cranberijello: i must know a different kind of nerd
EsotericWombat: well, I'm talking about on a large scale
cranberijello: oh
cranberijello: a large scale nerd
cranberijello: i see
EsotericWombat: no, no, no
EsotericWombat: I mean
EsotericWombat: smart masses
cranberijello: i got ya
EsotericWombat: the sort of force it would take to overtake the internet
EsotericWombat: but of course, to get them to the consoles I'd have to take out several guards, though I suppose I know some people who could help
EsotericWombat: one has the last name Samson, so he's automatically a badass
cranberijello: I might be able to come up with one or two people for that
EsotericWombat: and another is several kinds of black belt
EsotericWombat: once the internet is taken, all that would remain would be a "take back the nation" campaign run over the net, and fueled by the gross political upheaval
EsotericWombat: so that gives us the US, and probably Canada, Japan, and England
EsotericWombat: then comes the difficult task of invading Russia
EsotericWombat: whether covertly or overtly
cranberijello: overtly
EsotericWombat: in which case
cranberijello: better to be up front they have guards everywhere and we will surely be caught and forced to drink " the vodka"
EsotericWombat: the sheer capacity of the American military-industrial complex combined with the brilliance of Japanese tech engineers would foster the development of some sort of new-age seige weaponry
EsotericWombat: while the entire force of russia is keeping us out, we kill all of the government officials
EsotericWombat: using NINJAS!
cranberijello: ah yes ninjas
EsotericWombat: from that position China is easily taken
EsotericWombat: and with that we would have the resources and manpower to take the rest of the world
cranberijello: indeed
cranberijello: even Korea you think
EsotericWombat: alligning all power of industry to the pursuit of more advanced space flight
cranberijello: just want to cover all the bases
EsotericWombat: NINJAS!
cranberijello: lol
EsotericWombat: and also resources would be alloted to create weapons worthy of these new starships
EsotericWombat: and we send all of the paranormal science guys to pursue the validity of any of those theories linking Egypt to Mars
EsotericWombat: (get them out of the way at the very least)
EsotericWombat: and if anything legit can be found it would be clutch
EsotericWombat: and from there an assault on the rest of the galaxy is launched. I can't really plan the rest of it out seeing as I don't know what we'd be up against


  1. You could have corrected my spelling mistakes.

  2. I thought I did... guess I missed some.

  3. The pyramids WERE built by aliens dude! Confirmed by Candi!

  4. well then when we get there your help will be invaluable. Its getting Phase 1 out of the way that's tricky. I've yet to perfect my brain transplant or celebrity abduction techniques.