I don’t want to hear songs about masturbation, female or male, anymore than I want to hear songs about who you fuck, but hey that’s just me. Maybe it’s because I’ve been listening to them since 9th grade, and the novelty wore off at around age 18.
It's hard to not sort of agree there. Ultimately, I don't care if, when, where, why or how Britney Spears masturbates. I don't care about the masturbation habits of people who are god damned heroes to me. I mean, it's the one thing a person can do that doesn't effect me in the least. And most of the songs that were mentioned could be excised from history without doing any real damage.
Of course there's the argument that fluff pop culture has its purpose. Part of the maturation of my sense of humor coincided with my realizing that Garfield had ceased to be funny. Similarly, my identity as a geek was borne out through my being the only one in school who wasn't listening to the crap that we were told constituted good rap, which actually put me off the genre for years.
But I digress.
A friend of mine once posted a survey on his Livejournal pertaining to people's masturbation habits. How often, which hand(s)/devices, what sort of, ahem, visual aids used, etc. It was anonymous. Nonetheless, there was plenty of backlash.
"Why do you even want to know this shit?"
"You're a freak!"
He is, of course, a freak, but I did already mention that he's my friend. But he was never concerned with wanting to know what his friends did with their alone time. Just fascinated with habits of people in general. I am too, in fact. And there's one thing that I've noticed. Our popular culture is rife with references to male masturbation in comedy. Not so much with female masturbation.
Why is this? I'm not sure. It could be that female masturbation is seen as less inherently gross (and thus less inherently funny), or conversely, depending on who you ask, that it's seen as unmentionable. It also could be that men are the ones making the masturbation jokes. Or all of these reasons and more. Personally, I think that sex is hilarious in all of its forms. But that's not the point. Masturbation is an area with a sizable gender disparity. And not just in terms of who does it/who doesn't/who's ashamed of it. In terms of if they're even aware of it being an option.
And it occurs to me that the first I was ever made aware of masturbation as a concept wasn't in health class or "the talk" or any other conventional methods of edification. It was in jokes. And I wonder now, looking back, if it's entirely infeasible to suggest that absent the abundance of reference to male masturbation in popular culture I'd be more likely to think that I needed someone else to be involved to be gratified.
I'm constantly astounded by the things I hear about peoples ignorance of their own sexuality, but some of the most shocking instances all seem to stem from girls simply not being aware that they don't need a dude to get it done. Speaking as a dude, this is not something I'm happy about. Not even if you were to to exclude every implication it has outside the sheets. Fucked if I care that it means more demand or whatever. Anyone who thinks that they need what's between my legs to climax? I can't imagine it not winding up being intensely frustrating.
I'm not hyperbolizing (much) when I call this a pox on our society. Not only does it literally mean that there is less pleasure in the world than there should be-- this ignorance is reinforcement for the entire bulshit hetero-normative ownership paradigm.
In the words of Randall Munroe,
I hasten to note that Cooper never said that she was against the existence of songs about female masturbation, but I have to say that I'm specifically FOR them. I'm also for people joking about it and referencing it in pop culture in general. Because seriously, why the fuck not?