If you came here looking for something particularly relevant... yeah... sorry. Not tonight

it's true
we've been watching you
while you eat and sleep
and in the shower
we've examined your life
in its entirety
and we've concluded
That we'd rather not meet you officially after all

So I've been hanging out a lot with a friend of mine and his (not new to him but only recently introduced to me) girlfriend. It should be taken as a sign of things to come that she and I are already pulling pranks on him.

We went bowling. I was using a 15 pound ball and a 12 pound ball; one to smash 'em and one to pick 'em up. When I got around to picking up the 12 pounder for the first time, I almost took out one of the overhanging TVs in the backswing. Not because I let go of it, but because that's how high my arm went when I drew it back. I am interchangeably known to them as "jolly green giant," "Monkey Man," and "Super-Sized Kurt Cobain."

I was thinking lately--and I know that this isn't an urgent issue in the least but I went ahead and thought about it anyways because that's the kind of guy I am--that if we were going to come suddenly into contact with intelligent life from other planets, we'd be in for embarrasment beyond our technology (you have to start somewhere) and society (who's to say that alien would necessarily be any better than us?). The fact that we fucked up when naming bodies in our own solar system will be right up there, trust me. Our own planet is named after dirt while all the rest are named after fucking gods. The Moon I suppose can get a pass, but only if you think of it in the same terms as The Band (speaking of which what the fuck is the deal with the tribute album it was supposed to come out last year I mean seriously). But the same cannot be said of the Sun. Or The Solar System. And just because some jackoff decided that they could be called Sol and The Sol System respectively doesn't mean the problem is solved.

Yeah I know it's a long way off before we need to worry about that stuff, but I bet that if it ever becomes a problem it'll become a problem in a hell of a hurry. So what it boils down to is we need a name for our sun (the name for the solar system, obviously, will follow) and for our home planet. If we start now, maybe some sort of agreement can be reached by the time it becomes an issue.


  1. LOL, especially to the nicknames.

  2. We can begin by organizing bowling leagues. They're supposed to be indicative of American community building :)

  3. for earth, i've always loved gaia.
    or just mama.

    for the sun, how about , er, Mike?

  4. I'll start working on it as soon as I get out of here.

  5. Mimey: I've also been likened to the giant from Big Fish. Which is annoying because I loved that movie

    Pia: Hmm... I suppose it works as least as well as any model I've heard of.

    Anna: Well in that case we could call the sun Helios and be done with it. though the Helios System leaves something to be desired

    Cooper: I'm sure it'll be at the top of your agenda =P